Thursday, 10 May 2012

Introducing House of Jonescz

House of Jonescz is basically this website I designed for interested young artists in. I noticed that many people love my art and they go like 'You should show people this shit!'. I guess there's lots of people out there who are into a lot of really deeply stuff. If you join you'll probably be one of the first members but that's cool, as long as you have some really cool stuff to share. Any form of art is alright and the idea is to get you to upload whatever way you express yourself. This is the link. .Lemme know personally if you,re down to join.

My Dubstep Pet Project.

For the last few months i've been listening to dubstep and i have no doubt that this is the next dominant sound in mainstream pop music despite in Nigeria. The ccraze about dubstep is quite stale but i never really listened to it and i thought that it definitely wont sell in Nigeria. I have compiled a few songs for those of you who are psychotic enough ro go on and listen to them. The cruise is this. In order to convince you that this is the next major shit in Nigeria, I will upload remixes to three of these songs on the first day of June. You probably feel like this is nothing to get excited over and I dont blame you, afterall you dont really know if I am any good. What you must however do is just download and listen to these songs with an open mind (That means none of that 'This is noise' bullshit). This type of music is also widely reknowned to go perfectly with maijuana so if you're a smoker it's going to be an epic jonescz!. Skrillex- All I Ask Of You Skrillex- Cinema Remix Skrillex- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites To get a feel of the music you should probably download UKF Top 50 Rated from

The return of the Manny Enajeroh Blog

This is to inform the consuming public that the Manny Enajeroh Blog is back. I was gone for a while, and to tell the truth the posts werent all that inspiring before then either. However, the blog is back and we have some really messed up shit this time.

Monday, 9 January 2012

How To Hypnotize A Person In Instantly!

For those of you budding hypnotists who want to know how to instantly hypnotize someone in under 10 minutes, I've the steps here for you. Just 3 things to note though -- although these instructions on how to hypnotize are pretty straight-forward, firstly, do bear in mind that not everyone is susceptible to hypnosis.

 Most experts will tell you that the stronger the character, the harder that person is to "go under". The other thing to note is -- for the most part, hypnosis only works on someone who is willing to be hypnotzed. What I am trying to say is, in fact, Igbo people are less likely yo be hypnotized than Yorubas and Hausas.

 The fact that you are even considering manipulating someone means that you are probably a psycho and will end up as a serial anal-rapist or killer.

 OK with those out of the way, here are your 5 steps on how to instantly hypnotize anyone in 10 minutes --

 1. Make it conducive Dim the lights, make sure there are no distracting noises, light a few scented candles.

 2. Tell your subject to relax Aside from relaxing his or her mind and body, ask your subject to slowly breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth.

 3. Have him or her expel all thoughts, worries, concerns Tell your subject to add colors to each breath and assign a thought, worry or concern to that colored breath, and expel it as he or she breathes out.

 4. Have the subject fill up the space created with an imaginary liquid Now ask him or her to imagine a liquid filling him or her up from the feet slowly all the way up to the head. Tell your subject when the liquid completely fills the head, he or she will feel at ease and completely relaxed.

 5. Now you can suggest an idea, thought or action When your subject is finally in this "trance", you may suggest any desired idea, thought or action. This can be anything -- to give up smoking or a bad relationship, or develop a new attitude towards career. Typically, this involves visualizing the bad aspects of a habit, then the good results when the habit is dumped, and how the subject will feel so much better then. After allowing the subject to dwell in this "happy place", you then bring him or her back.

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Here's Some of My Old Sketches of Beautiful Women.

Here are some ancient sketches I dug up from my old pad. Safe to say I was a "woman-wrapper" during that phase of my life . As an artist, I draw inspiration almost solely from women, their shape, form, senuality and innocence. I know I promised not to blog about personal stuff but I relly think you'll like this.

I call this one "runaway nuns"
The shadow that precedes death
Sensual big woman.....
Jungle girl.....

Thursday, 5 January 2012

The Top 5 Hoochie-Mamas in Nigerian Music Today!

This is my list of my favourite females, who through the exciting blend of their tackiness, overt-sexuality, lack of talent and just plain razzness, have warmed their way into the hearts (and loins) of Nigerian men everywhere.

5.Ashley Stephanie: This multi-lingual babe used to be the lead singer of some European girl-group thing and she announced herself on the Nigerian scene with her single "tonight (homo hele)". She has a drag-queen chic to her which I find disturbingly attractive. The name is totally bonkers though.
4.Maheeda:This babe is pretty, but her video left me with RNS (Recurring Nightmare Syndrome). She sang that song "Don't try to take my music away from me" and I wondered, why would anyone want to take this noise away from this babe. I guess in some circles, prancing around oiled men and screaming like a bush baby is considered music Her story is however very touching and inspiring but again with the names!
3. Ego Omalicha: Let's just say, the first time I saw this babe, I knew her name had to be something like "omalicha" and lo and behold........ Her Igbotic moves in that video with the bearded muscular dude left us wanting more and no man can deny that he wanted to run his hand through that Darling Yaki gel-pack *E! sexiest voice* . I have a thing for Igbo girls so I like her a bit. She's quite pretty under everything too. These names again!
2.Cossy: I have a theory about Cossy. I think she's really just a sweet, prudent, christian girl..........but she has conjoined twin myslexia (CTM). This is a condition where a persons twin is attached to the persons body, in this case her twin is her breasts! Her breasts have a mind of their own and they make her do bad.....bad things, like posing seductively with a dog and shooting a music video. I have no love for this girl and I feel that her music video (you honestly can't expect me to remember the name of the song) was the tackiest piece of ass I have ever watched. It took something special for her not to be number one on this list.
1.Dencia:I said it would take something special to top Cossy, and that "something special" is the phenomenon called Dencia. First let me say, that there is a likelihood of bias as I have a sick crush on this girl. However, the truth must be spoken. Dencia is the queen of all Hoochie-Mamas. This "beri beri" crooner, after inviting us to "spank" her in her video went on to give us the most uncomfortable 3 minutes of video footage ever. At every point, her breasts were threatening to jump out of her clothes and join the fun and her leopard skin body-suits were....well.....very Dencia. Rumours circulated that someone kicked her ass and that she's a call girl and stuff like that but you people should leave my Dencia alone oh! This is the girl I want to marry, if my Mum doesn't have a stroke.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

10 Easy Ways To Know If Your Boyfriend Is Gay.

Being in a relationship is not easy. It is also very unpredictable. One day, you are having the greatest moment of your life with your partner and the next day, you are crying your lungs out. One moment, you desperately want to spend the rest of your life with your partner and the next, you may find all your things packed up out on the sidewalk. Yes, being in a relationship is very difficult. It is much more difficult if you think that your partner also has affections for the same sex. It may even be the hardest challenge that any couple could deal with. Figuring out whether your loved one is gay or not is very tricky business. There are as many types of gayness as there are gay guys in the world. Some homosexuals want their sexual orientation be known to the whole world. Others are still hiding inside their dark closet, trying to avoid being caught. These men hide it so well that you can hardly imagine what their true sexuality is. If you think your boyfriend is gay, watch out for certain signs. Most gay people share things that are unique or, at least, distinct to them. You have to remember, however, that these signs are a bit stereotypical. These are not absolute. If you see these signs in your boyfriend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is gay or bisexual. Not seeing these signs doesn’t mean that he’s not gay, either. Again, playing detective is a tricky business. But hey, give it a shot. Here are the top 10 signs that your boyfriend belongs to the fabulous federation.

 10. The Bathroom Rituals. Notice how he meticulously does his hair. Try to find out how he chose the grooming products he owns. An average guy doesn’t care about what brand or what type of products he uses. Is he particularly interested in top designer shoes and other accessories? Another warning sign is the time he spends inside the bathroom. If he takes longer than you do, that may be a sign that he’s batting for the other team.

9. The Diva Fanaticism .People always consider gay guys to be fans of many divas. Humming with his Beyonce music If your boyfriend likes listening to divas such as Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand and (God forbid) Tiwa Savage then he might be one flaming gay man. Have you ever seen your boyfriend listening to any of these divas’ records? Or worse, have you ever heard him singing any of their songs? And if he indeed sings their songs, does he do it in falsetto? If your answer is yes, then that could be a sign.

8. The Beauty Pageant Obsession Miss Nigeria 2005 For some reason, gay guys love watching beauty pageants, as far as stereotypes are concerned. These events are a celebration of beauty and glamor that many gay people really value. Of course, your boyfriend won’t let his fascination with beauty pageants be known, but if you really want to know, here’s a quick tip. While talking about another topic, ask this question out of the blue: “Oh by the way, who was the 1999 Miss Universe?” If he is able to give you an answer, be scared. Be very scared. Gay people often also love awards shows such as the Oscars, the Golden Globes, the Emmys, the Grammys and many others.

7. The Shifty Eyes. Another excellent way to know if your boyfriend is gay is by simply observing his eyes. Yep, it’s all in the eyes. The next time you two are walking in a mall or around a local park with numerous people, notice how his eyes move. Some gay people let their eyes wander and jump from one guy to another. Notice how he shifts his vision when a hot man passes by. If his eyes are shifty when he is around men, he might be gay.

6. The Urinal Dilemma. A closeted gay man also feels uncomfortable and uneasy around straight guy friends as he tries hard not to show his concealed sexuality. In a public men’s room, a closeted gay man is also uncomfortable using any empty urinal when other straight men are using the ones near his. Often, instead of using the urinals, he would go inside a cubicle and just pee into the toilet bowl.

5. The Oprah Quotes. Gay men, whether out or closeted, are inspired by many gay people who have proven their worth in history. There is just pure pride and sense of accomplishment that many gay guys feel when someone gay is able to achieve something. This can be evident in his in-depth knowledge about these things. Does he keep on stressing out that Alexander the Great was gay and that he was in love with his best friend? Does he always talk about how Oprah did something amazing? Okay, Oprah is not gay, but many gay people love her.

4. The X-Men Factor. Do you play video games with your boyfriend? If so, you’ll be glad that there is also a way of knowing if he is guy just by looking at his character choices. Many gay men would pick a female character in a game with a versus mode. For example, in X-Men, Storm is a gay man’s favorite. It has not been proven whether there is a psychological explanation for this, but it is a trend. If your boyfriend chooses a male character, it doesn’t mean that you’re safe. Cyclops is also often a gay man’s and he abhors Jean Grey for that.

3. The Fashion Compliments.Your boyfriend might be gay if he gives you too many compliments in a very unmanly way. For example, instead of saying “You look beautiful,” he’ll say, “I like the way your top matches your tanned skin, and oh, your boots are so fetch.” If you hear that from your boyfriend, don’t feel glad. You might just have a gay partner.

 2. The Downright Gay-bashing. Gay people hiding inside the closet are usually very vocal about their distaste and hatred for gay men. While it seems a little counterintuitive, there is a reason why they do it. Because they don’t want to be caught or be suspected that they are gay, they would cover their true identity by blatantly expressing their rage against gay men. They also tend to overdo this; thus, they become harsh gay-bashers. If your boyfriend is like that, then he might be gay. As one adage goes, the greatest homophobe is homosexual.

1. The Hot Guys on his Blackberry. One of the most definitive signs that your boyfriend is gay is that there are some male strangers in his BB list of friends or contacts. Checking on her boyfriends phone If you have never seen these men or you don’t know whether they are your boyfriend’s friends in person, they might just have had their communication online. An average straight guy won’t have the pin of a man he doesn’t know personally, much less add him to his list of contacts. It’s not just BB; browse through his Facebook or Friendster page and see if you can find some. Or worse, research and try to find out if he has accounts in gay networking sites. You can also check your browser’s history to see if he has visited any gay adult sites on the web. The truth is, you don’t need all these signs to know whether your partner is gay or not. What you should do is sit down and talk to him about it. Make him feel that it is all right and that you understand. Finding out if your boyfriend is gay needs a little observation and a lot of honesty.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Much Ado About Fuel. What are Your Options?

Hey guys, what's new since the last time I posted? Same here, nothing much, just new years celebrations and all that stuff and.......oh wait, the price of the life-blood of every Nigerian just increased by 110%. For those of you reading from beyond the shores of Nigeria or those who have been living under a rock (of stupidity, that is), our loving President, yes the husband to the one who sets off more bombs than Boko Haram and MEND combined, has decided to show his gratitude to Nigerians by giving us an unforgetable new years day present. You see, while we were in church on new years eve, singing "Everything na DOUBLE DOUBLE...", little did we know that the powers that be had already set in motion, their plans to ensure our wishes are granted. However, instead of double blessings, we got (what a specie of Nigerian called "Razzomola Igbotica") would call "Double wahala for deadi bodii". This cannotes that we were already "dead" in the first place. The situation now is much worse. As expected, everybody has an opinion on this issue and I grow weary of the fuel subsidy jokes and display pictures on my blackberry. We seem to be ignoring that we are withnessing the tell-tale signs of a crisis, the likes of which Nigeria is unfamiliar with. Being a law student myself, I feel the obligation (however contrived it is), to outline a legal opinion on this issue. The first thing we need to know is that the Federal Government is acting entirely within their power. This power is granted by Section 7 of the PPPRA Act 2004 to.......bla bla bla *snore*snore*waking up*. Be honest, you really don't give a blackberry curve 2 (which is the official phone of Nigeria) about what any law says. What everyone cares about is REVOLUTION!!! Abi??!!! Jonathan must go!!!!! Are you with the movement??? .............. no. People seem to be letting the darkness (we can't afford fuel for generators anymore) cloud their reasoning. A wise man once said, that you are an idiot if you feel that the solution to Nigeria's problem is revolution, and you should be slapped. That wise man is me, and I also propose that no situation GEJ might cause can be worse than a situation where we lose our first-generation rights as we would in a miltary regime i.e rights to life, association, movement e.t.c. What would then distinguish us from beasts?......*scratch that* What would then distinguish us from Plants?. For the ignorant majority out there, a revolution involves a total takeover of an existing legal order in a way not prescribed by that order. In laymans terms "Dem go kill Joe and all him people, dem go com talk 'fellow nigerian' for NTA" Revolution by who? T In Nigeria, only the military have such power and a throw-back to military regime is the worst thing that could happen. So now you're asking....Uncle Manny, we see the stupidity of our ways, tell us what to do, oh wise and lawyer-y one!!! Gladly!!! You need to recognize that the long term effects of removal tend to be beneficial. This in no way excuses the manner in which it was done, but they have an argument so we should articulate ours. Some people can't see beyond their noses (like my brother Steven who has a MASSIVE nose that even I can't see past) and they don't even want to know anything other than that they don't want GEJ anymore. Remember that OBJ we are hailing now tried to remove this subsidy twice and the reasons were the same. The FG feels that it is ruining the economy and they can no longer administer it properly. Whether na true or na lie? Na dem sabi.... What I know is that we should respect the decision whether we approve or not and stop all this foolery about riots. What do you expect ,that Jonathan will be so touched by our burnt tyres on the streets and our "JOE MUST GO" banners that he will re-instate the subsidy, step down, give his money to the rich, feed his wife to the poor and hug the central Nigerian transformer? Last time we played FIFA12 together, Jonathan made it obvious that that wasn't happening soon (and then Patience complimented him on the greatness of his 'manhood'"*sorry, couldn't resist*). , So rather than appealing for Jonathan to go, why don't we appeal for affirmative action instead. Legislations that will put price caps on certain goods and services won't be a bad idea right now. Also, protesting against the horror power supply we are gettingmight be better because we are in this fix mainly because of our generators. Let me borrow a line from a famous Nigerian jurist, Elegido . He said that a Government can get so bad that the people have a moral duty to revolt. Nigeria isn't there yet so let's not rush ourselves lest we compound the problems of a country desperately seeking a solution. In conclusion, Nigeria has become a country divided into a 4 classes : 1. Those who enjoy in silence. These are the people responsible for the oil subsidy removal in the first place. E.g GEJ and Dame "The Widows" Jonathan. 2. Those who suffer in silence. These people can't be bothered. They are the smartest because they know that there is nothing they can do to change this situation and so they concentrate on more practical issues, like how to put food on the table E.g your Dad and Mum 3.Those who suffer noisily. This is the majority. Anybody who doesn't have money for school fees probably belong to this class. These are the pro-revolution class. E.g the agberos, and currently unemployed men who read the front pages of newspapers at the vendors (without buying them). 4. Those who enjoy noisily. These are the blackberry activists. Their mouth is sharp on BBM and Twitter but the lack the balls to take action. If you are reading this, you probably fall within this category........smh 4u......rotflwlmdttylbrb. (The fact that you understood what I just wrote confirms this). The leader of this crew appears to be Banky W who managed to look even more ridiculos than usual in his face cap and shades, supposedly "protesting" and not publicity whoring.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

How To Get a Girl To Sleep With You In 20 minutes!!

P.S I did not invent this... Its for real and is even considered dark arts (for those who don't watch Harry Potter, "Jazz")in certain circles. Okay, so you meet a hot girl and there's only one thing on your mind, you have to tap that bootay (no offence to girls with none). The only problem is, you are a total loser with no money and you are probably kind of ugly too. Even if you are not so bad, you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of tapping that. Don't jump off that bridge yet, according to Psychologist and master seducer Derek Rake, YOU DO!!! This is through a method of seduction called FRACTIONATION and many psychologists admit that it goes a long way towards getting you laid, even if you are a total "bolo". I must state that I can't attest to the potency of this technique (Manny Enajeroh doesn't need any help getting laid *toot*toot*) and I can't guarantee that it will suceed but it has worked for a lot of people, or at least they claim it has. Whether this is down to luck, technique, or jazz, you be the judge. Fractionation is a method of controlling a woman's emotions. That is, you regulate between good and bad emotions. Psychologists claim that when there is a rapid change from good to bad emotions, it leads to some form of emotional attachment by women. So when you take a woman on an emotional rollercoaster, depending on how steep the slope is, she might associate you with good (and hopefully, HORNY!!) feelings. An illustration is this... ME: Hello attractive woman, Wat's up? Genevieve Nnaji: Hello un-attractive man whom I am repulsed by, tell me what is going on with you! Me: Well, have you ever had a friend, who makes everything seem so funny, who always listens to you, who you can let your hair down with, who would give her right arm for you without hesitation, who you can fall asleep on the sofa with, but without any sexual tension.....your bestest friend in the world? Genevieve: Abi!!! I totally know what you mean. I had one when........bla bla bla Me: I had a friend like that........ but she died in a plane crash last month, I had to go to a shrink to get over the depression.
Genevieve: *hugs* Oh you sweet, poor, poor man!! BOOM!!!!! FRaCTIONATION!!!!! The trick is, you make her associate you with the good thoughts and you exclude the bad stuff by staring intently at her when saying the good part, but looking away (adorably) during the bummer. I know, this sounds like the most ridiculous thing ever but heck, its worth a shot!! If it fails, your still a virgin either way!!! But seriously, Psychologists say that if you play your cards right, the chick will want to "bala" you within 20 minutes. Also note that this is a one time trick. Try it once and hit her with your best shot, if it doesn't work, do not try it over and over. You will look like an IDIOT!!! (For good reasons too). Try this out on the girl of your dreams and let's know how it went. P.S, do not try this on Igbo girls unless your illustration is about money, get it? you don't. Manny Enajeroh is here for you, I live to help geeks everywhere knacki apako!